Okay, so what is a query letter? Well, it’s a hideous invention c’oncocted up by agents just to make life miserable for writers. From my perspective, writing a novel is like building a car. Authors are the engineers. They painstakingly create all the details and figure out how to put them all together. When done, they get shoved a plaid jacket, a pager, a hair piece, and get told to go sell the car. A query is basically a sales pitch asking an agent to represent our book. In its most basic form, a query is kind of like the description of the book you would find on its jacket. And I guess it is necessary, as agents get hundreds of submissions a week. The logistics make it impossible for them to read every book. So, I guess queries aren’t really to make life miserable. It’s just an added bonus for agents, and pay back for burying them in a mountain of proposals.
Why do I need an agent? Well, I don’t— if I can just sell a hundred copies at a thousand dollars each. Can I put you down for one?
I have two queries. The first one is, well, the first one I wrote, and the second is the newer of the two. So, which one is better? Which of the two entices you the most to read the book?
Query 1
In a superstitious, puritan society, anyone unusual is treated with suspicion, distrust, and sometimes even killed. Despite his best efforts, John finds himself accused of witchcraft. The problem for him is; they’re right! And so John does the only thing he’s ever done—run! That is, until he meets Jane.
To call John a warlock is a stretch. No magic shoots from a wand, nor do elves accompany him in his journey; but he is gifted at reading the souls of men. Because of the 18th century superstitions of his day, he believes his gift to be a curse. However, as his fate begins to unfold, he discovers it to be a source of great strength.
During the flight from his would-be executioners, John finds himself lost in the forest and besieged by soulless monsters which he never dreamed could exist. Only the kindness of Sarah, a stranger, saves him.
At Sarah’s request, he escorts Jane and her younger sister, Hannah, who are like daughters to her, back to the bleak, imprisoned town of Marysvale, to liberate their father. Life outside the safety of the town walls means certain death at the hands of the monsters that hunt there; but life inside, under the tyranny of the powerful Lord Wright, and his maniacal son, Lyman, means no life at all.
In the town, Jane captures the unwanted fantasies of Lyman, while John quickly earns the attention of the lord, who is determined to extract the deadly secret of Marysvale from him; a secret that John doesn’t realize he holds. The knowledge, if made known, would upset the absolute power of Lord Wright and his plans for conquest—information both he and his son will do anything to keep hidden, no matter the cost. As the love between John and Jane grows, John faces a desperate struggle for his own life and the monumental task of helping his new friends escape the oppression of Marysvale.
Marysvale is a fast-paced, intense story that falls a bit on the darker side, but has plenty of humor and lighter moments to keep it from becoming too overwhelming. At the heart of this tale are the strong female characters and their depth and interaction with John—as he discovers for the first time in his life that there is something worth dying for.
Query 2
JOHN CASEY is ten years old when his mother is murdered…and ten when his father hid the truth from him. Without that knowledge, he has no idea of the enemies that lie in wait.
Our tale picks up twelve years later with John in an 18th century village called Syre. John has grown into an insecure, impulsive, lonely young man trying find his place in a Puritan society, where anyone unusual is treated with suspicion, distrust, and sometimes even killed….And John has some very unusual gifts; foremost being his ability to read the souls of men.
Whenever John’s gifts are revealed, he finds himself in perilous circumstances and fleeing for his life. Syre proves no different, and he is forced to escape on horseback in the dark of night, losing his way in a dangerous forest—a forest that leads back to his past and the truth he doesn’t know he’s seeking.
In the forest, John is besieged by soulless monsters which he never dreamed could exist. Only the kindness of Sarah, a stranger, saves him. At her request, he escorts Jane and her younger sister, Hannah, who are like daughters to Sarah, back to the bleak, imprisoned town of Marysvale, to liberate their father.
Life outside the safety of the town walls means certain death at the hands of the monsters that hunt there; but life inside, under the tyranny of the powerful Lord Wright, and his maniacal son, Lyman, means no life at all. In the town, Jane captures the unwanted fantasies of Lyman, while John quickly earns the attention of the lord, who is determined to extract the deadly secret of Marysvale from him; a secret that John doesn’t realize he holds. The knowledge, if made known, would upset the absolute power of Lord Wright and his plans for conquest—information both he and his son will do anything to keep hidden. As the love between John and Jane grows, John faces a desperate struggle for his own life and the monumental task of helping his new friends escape Marysvale.
Marysvale is a fast-paced, intense story that falls a bit on the darker side, but has plenty of humor and lighter moments to keep it from becoming too overwhelming. At the heart of this tale are the strong female characters and their depth and interaction with John—as he discovers for the first time in his life that there is something worth dying for.
You can cast your vote at the bottom of this page.
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