Biography

I’m about to scare away any possible agents, I probably shouldn’t have included my web address in any of the queries, but I can’t help it, I’m having too much fun with this.

One agent asked for a bio, which includes your writing career. I looked though my closet and couldn’t find my Nebula award—turns out I only won it in a dream. So, I got joking with Sue about my bio and wrote on her facebook page, “Jared’s most notable writing success is his Netflix Subscription form.” Apparently, agents don’t like to see things like that for your writing credentials—go figure. Sue suggested I include the forged get-out-of-school notes. After I stopped laughing, I decided to write the biography I wish I could send to an agent. Who knows, maybe I will. What’s one more rejection anyway? Here goes:

Jared Southwick entered this world in Salt Lake City, Utah in 1492. Jared has had the opportunity of traveling and living in different parts of the world. He thoroughly loved the many different cultures, cuisine, and associated foodborne illnesses. Jared earned his bachelor’s degree in e-business just in time to experience the dot com burst. Since developing an addiction to sustenance, he currently enjoys steady employment as a Security Analyst for the government.

Jared’s depth as a writer and attention to detail has progressed tremendously over the years. After having been dealt defeating blows to his writing career during his junior high school days, his breakthrough came in high school with the epiphany that his father’s signature was much easier to forge than his mother’s. This also led to the discovery that his father was much more liberal and tolerant of his social life then his oppressive, but well-intended, mother (whose conservative policies and views on teenage life may have been shaped by her brief 35-year stint as a junior high school health teacher). These revelations also had the added benefit of giving him a badly needed boost in confidence; which was soon followed by a string of literary successes, and much more free time. Jared’s most notable writing success is his Netflix Subscription form, which has opened the door to many wonderful book-to-big-screen-movie deals.

Jared and his wife, B’lue, live in the shadow of the Wasatch Front mountain range.

What's your writing bio?