Utah SAINT

This is a little off topic. I know it’s hard to believe that writing and building a cult following aren’t my only interests… Gasp, shock , horror! Now, calm down my loyal followers, everything will be alright. It’s just that I thought this might be of some worth, especially for those of you who are securing something valuable with a padlock. Say, your wallet in a locker, your expensive boat, even your Netflix password in your hope chest. I’m not saying I have a hope chest mind you, and if I did, it wouldn’t have to be big. My hopes seem to be diminishing as time goes by. My biggest hope now is for a Café Rio pork salad for lunch. Mmmm. I don’t think it would keep very long in a chest. I tried keeping one in my car for emergencies. Talk about the quickest way to remove that new car smell!

Okay, back on topic. I got home from a Utah SAINT conference last week. Note: the word SAINT is misleading. I’d say most everyone that room would not come remotely close to sainthood, myself excluded. Hence the reason I’m trying to start a cult, or a readership base. I dunno, I’ll go with whatever comes first. SAINT stands for Security and Incident Network Team, or something like that. Basically it’s a group of security geeks from around Utah. We get together once a year, and talk about IT security. We usually do hacking challenges, learn about new tools, techniques, etc.. This year they focused a little more on physical security. Locks, windows, doors, etc. Stuff I’m already somewhat familiar with.

Anyway, in the conference they demonstrated how easy it is to pick locks. I’ve done some of this on very cheap old locks, but this was an eye opener. You know all those combination pad locks you see on gym lockers? Stop laughing! Yes, I have seen the inside of a gym! Can we move on now? Thank you. As I was saying, it’s actually easier to open those through nefarious means then to actually dial in the combo. What about your $30 lock? Not much different. If you’re interested in how it’s done, just look up padlock shims on the internet. My word of advice, you’re going to have to get into the $80-$100 pad locks. That is, if you actually want to secure something. Same thing goes for you house locks, except those run about $200-$300. Of course, shelling out $300 for a decent house lock makes little sense if you have a window right next to the lock that can easily be smashed. Nor is it wise to buy a $100 pad lock to secure a $50 bike. However, $80 to secure you wallet (i.e. identity) in a locker, or your $5,000 dirt bike, is well worth the money. Sadly, security usually only improves after something bad happens.

Who You Know

Come to find out, it’s kind of hard to get published. No, seriously, it’s not that easy. Cheaper by the Dozen sooo lied to us! It seems like everyone is writing a book. In fact, is there anyone out there who isn’t? Some ideas are pretty lame; and if I can say that, that’s saying something. I mean, is there really a demand for a 250,000 word, middle grade, paranormal, historical fiction novel centered around the journey of a young women’s quest to fill out her Netflix signup form and thereby complete her rite of passage to women hood? I don’t care if you do have strong female characters! It’s still a dumb idea!! Okay… I’d buy it.

So, why is it so hard? All I can figure out is that 25% of your chance of success is a good idea, the other 25% is your writing, and the remainder is who you know. Don’t believe me? I present my anecdotal evidence.

On the website Guide to Literary Agents, in a section entitled, How I Got My Agent, an author named Billy Coffey describes how he got his agent… Well no duh, what else would it be about? Anyway, he describes how he queried lots of agents, got some interest, but no offers. So, he starts a blog. After eight months, one of his readers says she can put him in touch with her agent, Rachelle Gardner. Okay, so what’s the big deal? Well, he’d already queried her and she had politely said, “No.” He contacts Rachelle again though his reader, and this time, she says,” Yes!” What changed? Is it like jury selection? I ask, because I had to go today. Why did I get passed by and the guy next to me get selected? We looked about the same, had about the same facial hair, used the same posture, and we answered the questions the same. I mean, when I yelled, “Off with her head,” I wasn’t being serious. Not that I’m complaining; I didn’t really want to do it anyway (despite the lame video they showed us, which was obviously produced by the lowest bidder). And if they are going to threaten us with a $1000 fine and 30 days in jail for not showing up, you’d think they would put the check-in time on the @#^$& notice!! No, I couldn’t call and ask, the phones were off; and the message simply said the trial was on. Thank goodness for my brilliant deductive powers! I showed up when the courthouse opened, prepared to curse them for their lack of instruction. Who knew it was really the right time? The other jurors complained about the same thing—at least those who came.

Woops, off the res again. In short, I’m not sure what to think about this whole networking for contacts thing. It seems like your work should stand on its own. Oh well…I guess I’ll try querying Rachelle now.